Taking A Step Back

Follow up fro my post yesterday. It would seem that the universe heard me. I dont care to post names on the internet, but Someone out there is indeed making a real effort to bring a positive light to their faith. Like, not just talking about it. The first I have seen in a good five years. Well done!

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Internet Lokeans

I have had the good fortune of meeting other Pagans in the area. Most of them are cool people who care about their community. My class is a group with a fun sense of humor. And they are all knowledgeable in their individual beliefs and practices.

I wish the Lokeans I find online were more like this. (I have not met any in person, so online is my only experience with them. I hope this rant only applies to the internet.)

I have yet to see anything that makes Lokeans a legit belief system / path. They complain about the treatment from other groups (constantly), but never do they talk about how they are working to change this. I have yet to see ethics agreed upon or common core beliefs brought to light. Or an agreement if they even consider themselves an offshoot of Heathenry or not.

Not putting anyone down here. I am certain that they are good people. It’s just a shame that nothing has really been done to help in making them be taken seriously. No on deserves to be disrespected for the beliefs. Yet at the same time, we can’t expect others to go along with it if there is no two Lokeans share the same principles.

Weaving The Weave

Without going into detail, this has been a stupid week. Entertaining to laugh at the stupid, but still stupid.

On a more on topic note, yesterday’s class was great. I finally feel like I am accomplishing something. Piecing together spell work is no longer a struggle. Understanding elements within the energy work is starting to click. Yay progress. I look forward to the next class.

Catching Up

I haven’t posted anything in a bit. The mundane stuff has kept me busy.

Loki came back the other day. A big relief as I was almost certain he was gone for good this time. He has left before, but this last disappearance felt different. Like something was very wrong, or like he was very disappointed. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know that I need to know.

I am still working on the meditation stuff. I am still more or less failing. Loki is helping some. There is only so much he can do. The inability for visualizing images is a handicap I will need to get over. And try not to get too discouraged.

Hopefully I can find something to do about it soon. Druid class is moving along quickly. I will be talking to the master next week about a work around.

Up To Date

A month went by without an update. Mostly in that the update was that there was no update. January was an exceptionally quiet month. Enough to make me wonder if Loki will be coming back. Time will tell.

On a side note. Is it just me or are pagans stuck in the past? Not everyone, of course but a vast majority seem to be. All too caught up on what people did hundreds of years ago. Or what the book written ages ago says. Even the art still draws gods Qin togas and fur. Sure tradition is important, but we are still living in this century. I think I love that most about Loki. He stays relevant to the now. He even shows up wearing jeans.

Reading Result For 2019

Someone on Facebook offered single stone and card readings for the upcoming year. I am posting her result here so that I can check on its accuracy at the end of 2019.

#3) the hermit – 2019 you’ll be faced with a journey to get the information you’ve always wanted to know. It may come from divine or someone who is a expert in what you want to know. Distractions will come up but learn to keep focused by meditation. This year you’ll learn how to focus and pull yourself out of all the negative around you.

The Hard Lesson

This was my first real Yule. I took part in the circle with the druid and his grove. The grove here is an eclectic group of pagans of all sorts who are interested in learning. We sang the songs and burned the log. Dinner was delicious. I felt so happy to be among such wonderful new people. I have hope to share this with them again next year.

My spiritual path has changed a bit over the last few months. I find myself wanting to create a real practice for myself. As Lokean usually just means, Loki is my god. Lokeans dont really have tradition or ethics or even magic. Even reading the lore is optional. So I call myself omnist instead. Which is also not where I want to be. I want a closer relationship with Loki than that. I want to create something more than a title or a definition.

Yet l find myself in conflict. It is hard to start new. I look at myself struggling and see only failures. Despite that it hasn’t been long enough to expect to succeed. The hard lesson is to allow myself to be a beginner again. I remind myself that it took time. Almost two years to learn to communicate with him. This new direction will take time, too. I have to allow myself the chance to fail.

It’s a penis!

I have a hard time asking for help. I feel like I am being a burden for asking. Then I feel bad if I inconvenienced the person I asked.

So asking Loki for help was just as difficult. Standing silently in front of the altar like an idiot. He gets his amusement out of it, just I still feel like a jack ass.

I asked for help with this whole meditation thing. I have only been able to do it once and only because he pulled me in. So asking for a similar push seemed like a good idea. And it was. With his help I was able to reach the point of full relaxation and the black emptiness. First step achieved. Up until he started talking about what the tree and the pyramid represents. Yep, strength and make energy. The tree is a penis!

I love Loki.

A Little Singe

There was a Yule event today. Where the vendors show up and everyone looks at junk they probably don’t need. Except it is shiny, so we buy it anyway.

Anyway!

There was a speaker up on stage about five or so minutes after I walked in. A druid, discussing a bit of a history lesson about the Norse and the Celts coming over through Europe. After the panel, he went over to the side where a few of us gathered to talk. Myself, another man and two women. After they were done talking, the two women were pushed closer together to stand shoulder to shoulder so that the druid could bless them.

I have never actually observed someone casting before. I mean sure, there are the new age wannabe witches, but not anything like this. It was cool to be able to observe and actually have some understanding of what was happening. Then the energy spike from standing near the man doing the blessing. It only lasted a minute or two, but the heat from the shift in vibration was pretty intense.

It feels good to realize that I am learning something. Also a subtle hint. Dont stand next to the caster if you want to keep your eyebrows.

On The Struggle Bus

Yesterday was the introduction to energy work. I am taking a class over at the metaphysical shop in traditional druidry. Sadly, the first step involves doing something I cannot yet do. Visualizing images with my eyes closed.

I am going to make a real effort to beat this. Or so I am telling myself.

Draw the tree

Try laying down

Try music

If I am a total lost cause and cant see the silly tree in my head in two weeks, he is offering to try chants.

Today I found something on image streaming. Where you record yourself talking it out. Explaining what you see, feel, etc to train the brain to see images. I think this is where I am going to start. This so far is the only thing I have found that explains how to fix the problem, not just assume relaxation will do it. Definitely worth a shot. Otherwise, I will be memorizing Gaelic chants for a month.